Comments on Juggling Frogs: Give me your worst

LOVE this post!!Baila -- total LOL!! (been there,...

2008-09-20T17:05:00.000-04:00

LOVE this post!!

Baila -- total LOL!! (been there, done that!!)

I can tell you why my kids think I'm the worst mom ever.

I am the worst mom ever because:

1. I make them turn off the light and stop reading

2. I make them eat vegetables.

3. I make them eat protein.

4. I won't let them eat/drink sugar (except in limited quantities)

5. I don't let them add salt to everything

6. I make them eat whole wheat/grains.

7. I make them do their homework

8. I make them clean their room

9. I make them help with household chores

10. I don't let them do things that "everyone else's mother lets them"

I tell my kids, "If you want another mother, go to the mommy store and see if you can find a better model!"

:-)

Of course, I can tell you the reasons I think sometimes I am the worst mom ever.... but I try not to go down that path too much. I try to focus on what I am doing right...

Hee hee-I surrendered my aspirations of being "the...

2008-08-25T17:12:00.000-04:00

Hee hee-I surrendered my aspirations of being "the perfect mom" a long time ago! I think it was the first time I caught my sons reflux vomit down my shirt-I knew then and there who was dictating a good portion of my life!

I have been lucky to have some great parenting role models in my life, so I don't worry if things are a little messy, dinner is either made by someone else or from a box/heat & eat, etc. I just look to see if there's a smile on my 3 y.o.'s face and a giggle coming from it (and if the face is clean). That's my validation that everything is on track.

(here by way of GWP)

What a wonderful post! I agree with rutimizrachi;...

2008-08-25T01:53:00.000-04:00

What a wonderful post! I agree with rutimizrachi; my favorite line iss "It's whenever I think (however briefly) I've "solved parenting" that the Universe promptly delivers a whack upside my head - like banging on a radio to get better humility reception."

That's exactly how I feel!

Thanks for participating!

Personally, I think that most people say that beca...

2008-08-25T00:06:00.000-04:00

Personally, I think that most people say that because they want validation that what they're doing is a good thing.
If we really believed we were bad parents, we wouldnt be broadcasting it for all of child services to hear.

Oy, how many times have I forgotten the time, and ...

2008-08-24T05:41:00.000-04:00

Oy, how many times have I forgotten the time, and the kids... given my kids pasta (or breakfast cereal) yet again... let the laundry pile sky-high until there's no clean underwear to be found... forgotten to keep up with my daughter's HW assignments and then yelled at her for forgetting...

Add to the list those endless dilemmas: How much to hold on, how much to let them go? Which age is appropriate for what activity? When to explain "the facts of life," in all their variations?

The list is endless, and the irony is, the more we "succeed," the less they'll need us in the end. We're all doing the best we can. I agree with anonymous... balance, balance, balance. (When I find out what that means, I'll let everyone know....)

ALN

"It's whenever I think (however briefly) I've "sol...

2008-08-22T03:43:00.000-04:00

"It's whenever I think (however briefly) I've "solved parenting" that the Universe promptly delivers a whack upside my head - like banging on a radio to get better humility reception."

Great line, and so true! I read every book, looking for ways to deal with raising Soldier Boy, only to come to the conclusion that he wasn't in any of them. Now I could write a book on how to raise Soldier Boy... which would be useless to every other mother on the planet, and even would not be much help in raising his younger brothers.

Thank you for humorously and clearly giving us a break from the guilt of having no clue how to do this awesome job.

My worst in recent memory is completely losing tra...

2008-08-21T18:34:00.000-04:00

My worst in recent memory is completely losing track of time one day when I had to pick up my daughter from camp. I was home but in the midst of business phone calls. But that is really an anomaly for me, and I apologized to both the camp directory (who was actually quite calm about it when she called me) and my daughter.

As I work from home, I do sometimes have to ignore my children to get things done. And I do believe in some "benign neglect" in having the older kids prepare their own lunches for school, etc. But I don't think that makes me the worst mother. And compared to some I know, I think I do a pretty good job.

G6,Your friend is very wise. Whether it's Flylady,...

2008-08-21T08:40:00.000-04:00

G6,

Your friend is very wise. Whether it's Flylady, Shifra, Malky,or someone else!

SephardiLady,

Thank you! I haven't read that book, but I've seen recommendations and references to it. I'll put it on my library list.

SuperRaizy,

Thank you so much.

Rabbi Phyllis,

I agree with you, it can get out of control. When it does, it makes us nutty.

I see the comparing as an important tool. I think it's built in to us as a feedback loop, allowing us adjust and correct course, keeping our judgement aligned with common sense and societal norms.

We go crazy when we connect the inputs to too many places, to the wrong places, or allow the feedback too much value and power over us.

I'm going to add Brene Brown's imperfect parenting book to my list, too.

I also enjoyed The Blessing of a Skinned Knee by Wendy Mogel.

Thank you!

Free,

Don't worry. If only those who felt ready to be a mom were given the task, the world would be a mostly-empty place.

It's all about on-the-job training and just-in-time-inventory of wisdom, judgement, and adrenaline.

Ethan,

Thank you! I checked and searched my e-mail folders, but the only thing I saw was your sweet comment about Gretta on the Cancer tools post.

Can you send it again?

I think you are spot on.PS. Did you receive my E-M...

2008-08-21T04:18:00.000-04:00

I think you are spot on.

PS. Did you receive my E-Mail??

I am yet to be a mom...I don't feel to be a mom.

2008-08-21T02:51:00.000-04:00

I am yet to be a mom...I don't feel to be a mom.

i think we are (badly) trained as mothers to compa...

2008-08-20T22:54:00.000-04:00

i think we are (badly) trained as mothers to compare ourselves to others, to judge ourselves against storybook/tv/movie moms, to define "good mom" based on other people's definitions instead of our own.

i recommend brene brown's "the gifts of imperfect parenting" because we are all imperfect and that's okay. brenebrown.com

great post!

This is a powerful and very well written post.

2008-08-20T22:46:00.000-04:00

This is a powerful and very well written post.

Have you ever read Hyperparenting/The Overschedule...

2008-08-20T22:19:00.000-04:00

Have you ever read Hyperparenting/The Overscheduled Child?

Great post.

"Progress NOT perfection" is what a dear friend of...

2008-08-20T21:05:00.000-04:00

"Progress NOT perfection" is what a dear friend of mine continuously reminds me.

Leora, Baruch dayan emet. I ache for the family....

2008-08-20T17:43:00.000-04:00

Leora,

Baruch dayan emet.

I ache for the family. May they be comforted, and may they be spared further sorrow.

I'm working on a post for next week's Gratitude Carnival, about the aftermath of my son's head injury. He fell from my arms at 4.5 months onto a concrete floor in a doctor's office at a follow-up visit, and suffered multiple complex skull fractures.

He was in his mother's (my) arms. We were surrounded by doctors. We were there for an almost optional follow-up to a healed ear infection. The appointment was over, and I was waiting for the receipt after paying my bill. I was holding him because I didn't want him to crawl on the dirty floor.

I had to learn that no matter how hard we try to deny our vulnerability, danger exists. We can take reasonable steps to avoid risk, but it is not possible to eliminate it.

The results are out of our hands. All we can do is our best.

Awful things can happen, even as a result of a perfectly good parenting decision. If we have a tendency to second-guess ourselves at the choice of boxed macaroni and cheese, I can't begin to imagine the anguish of the family.

May they find comfort and support in this time of trauma. May they find their way to a place of healing.

Anonymous,

Thank G-d, your children will have exactly that balance!

Let's hope each generation gets a bit closer to finding the right place to put the fulcrum.

Baila,

See? You're teaching them how to prioritize.

I am the worst mom ever. I tell my kids its "fend...

2008-08-20T17:30:00.000-04:00

I am the worst mom ever. I tell my kids its "fend for yourself night" for dinner because I'm to busy blogging.

:D

I think that there needs to be a good balance. I ...

2008-08-20T15:22:00.000-04:00

I think that there needs to be a good balance. I was raised by a single mom of three who, by necessity, gave the three of us (moreso me, the oldest) more independence to do things for and by ourselves. She was my biggest fan, but also had to be two other peoples biggest fans without a single person to help. Because of that, if I left my lunch at home, I figured out how to get another one, etc etc. On the other hand, my chosson's mother was the opposite. He is 27 and if she could still do his laundry, she would. Because of this, he is paralyzed by the idea of making a plane reservation without a minyon. Which way is better? Neither. A mix would leave me better at asking for help and chosson able to pay a parking ticket! ;) BTW, Juggling---love your blog!!!

In the U.S., kids are so supervised, scheduled, mo...

2008-08-20T14:45:00.000-04:00

In the U.S., kids are so supervised, scheduled, monitored and chaperoned
I hate to write about bad news, but I feel so bad for the mom who let her kids use the elevator as usual and one died. I bet she'll live with a horrible feeling in her stomach for the rest of her life. Child dies falling down elevator shaft